Online dating gone wrong stories for children
The Strange • After we had sex, she told a story about her marine biology internship and about a pack of manatees they once found in the water off Key West.
She really loved manatees, and eventually she jumped from her boat into the water and landed on a manatee.
I was so grossed out I couldn’t bring myself to ask what the problem was. • I went out with a guy in his 30s who told me within the first hour of the date that: he didn’t have a bank account, had never filed taxes, worked on a drug farm, and paid with his “green card” aka pot for goods and services in the neighborhood.
By the end of dinner it looked like he’d spit out more than he’d ate. • Nowhere on her profile did it say anything about her being an acid casualty and ketamine dealer. The first is when I waited an hour outside at Harvard Square in late January because my date was in the North End buying pot (not for me.) The second was with a grad student in English who dismissed my skepticism towards Freudianism with, “I guess I’m just not as much of social determinist as you are.” The moral of these stories: don’t date Harvard men.
• I can’t even begin to rehash the details, but the guy drove a Cougar as if it were a Ferrari, had a facial twitch that I’m pretty sure can be seen from space, had favorite hobbies along the lines of watching History channel documentaries, and disapproved of my eating of croutons in my salad. • I went on a date with an otherwise cute girl who wore a “Trogdor the Burninator” shirt and said at least one 4chan meme to me, unprompted, out loud. Girl randomly started replying and cursing at my tweets.
We got in touch with five such people, and here are their not-so-cool experiences...But the manatee was actually dead, and the body ended up falling apart and she was covered in dead manatee slime and someone had to fish her out and clean her up.After some words of consolation from me about how fucked up that experience must have been, she told me she made it up, and every other story she had told me that night, because she likes making up stories.Since we gathered a truly huge pile of data from our online dating survey, we’ve published advice about how to improve online dating for everyone, for folks who date men and folks who date women. And then, in a small section towards the end, some of them are .Now, in our final installment of this very special dating survey roundup, we bring you: The Most Horrific Things Encountered While Online Dating. We’re including some extremely frank stuff, including about sexual assault.
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• I went back to the person’s place after a concert and unwittingly served as passive-aggressive muscle for a drug deal. But when the conversation turned to “future plans” the guy could not tell me much beyond how many dogs he wanted to own at some future time. • Made the wrong comment about conceptual artist Matthew Barney to the wrong art student…